There’s Still Time To Change The Name of The Titanic II to Literally Anything Else

If you thought the long-delayed project to launch a full-size replica of the ill-fated RMS Titanic was sunk in the water — think again.

Just like Celine Dion sang back in 1997, the travel project will “go on and on.”

Australian businessman and politician Clive Palmer, who is behind the controversial initiative, announced in September that work on the ship had recommenced — after a financial dispute with the Chinese government halted development back in 2015. The idea was first floated in 2012. via CNN

“OMG it’s that boat from that romantic movie! Cool!”

DO Y’ALL FORGET HOW THAT MOVIE ENDS?!?

DO Y’ALL FORGET THAT IT WAS BASED ON A TRUE STORY?!?

ALMOST EVERYONE DIES.

Let’s address something right off the bat here, the movie The Titanic is the only reason this new version is being made and also that movie sucks.

I don’t need to watch 2 hours of an wealthy white woman trying to seduce a poor stowaway rat followed by another hour of them slowly freezing to death in the Atlantic Ocean followed by 15 minutes of the lady being a complete a-hole to literally everybody.

She fakes her own death? I don’t care how “controlling” her parents were, you don’t just let your parents think their own child died. Not to mention at the end, these researchers are just begging to find out the mystery of where this freaking jewel is for the sake of history and my girl goes “duhhhh I don’t know where it is” and then YEETS that bitch into the sea without telling a soul.

I bet James Cameron is gonna rig this thing with explosives so he can make another boat-load of cash off a sequel movie.

You wanna know why they’re not making a blimp called “The Hindenburg II” for people to enjoy? Because there hasn’t been a romantic blockbuster made about it. If Leo Dicaps and Kate Winslet went down in the hot suffocating smokey disaster of the Hindenburg people would be begging for a round two.

Also, how about the balls on this new Titanic following the same route?

“The ship will follow the original journey, carrying passengers from Southampton to New York, but she will also circumnavigate the globe, inspiring and enchanting people while attracting unrivaled attention, intrigue and mystery in every port she visits,” said Palmer in a statement.

Dude if I get Dunkin at the drive-thru and they forget that I wanted my bacon egg and cheese on a bagel, not a croissant, I no longer go to that Dunkin’. I don’t want another mistake like that to happen again. So you’re telling me that a ship sinks, more than 1,500 people die, and you think “hey let’s give it one more whirl!”

“It’s gonna circumnavigate the globe! Attracting intrigue and inspiration!” You know what else was gonna do that? THE TITANIC NUMBER ONE. Passengers on the original literally said “Even God himself could not sink this ship!” and then an iceberg popped out of the water and said “BET.”

Also, who is asking for this besides Jerry Smith? Sure, back in the day a big ship that could take you hundred of miles across the ocean was cool, but so were horse drawn buggies. The richest of the rich road around in these death traps just for the fun of it.

Almost every human being has a smart phone, Netflix, and UberEats on their phone you’re gonna have to do a lot better than “this thing sunk one time!” to get me to leave the house and ride on a boat for a few weeks. At least  Norwegian Cruise Line has jet skis, waterparks, nightclubs, scuba diving and a Pitbull Concert.

I’ll take listening to “Timber” over the screams of my loved ones turning to ice any day.

Why wouldn’t you name it something else? If it’s called the Titanic it could be the safest boat on the planet but all I’m gonna be thinking about the whole time is “this thing’s going down”.

It’s the same reason we don’t name kids Adolf anymore. Kid could be the sweetest little cherub in the whole world but the minute you hear that name you can’t help but think “is this lil’ guy a Nazi?”

If you really wanna sell this thing not sinking you would’ve named it something in defiance of the original.

What about “The AnTi-tanic”? Like “Remember how that one sunk? This one’s gonna do the opposite! We’re floatin’ all day every day baby!” Instead you idiots go with “it’s a second one of the same thing”.

All I’m saying is it’s really not too late to hit up Home Depot, buy a ton of paint, and change the name to something else. Then add a wave pool, a buffet, and a Flo-Rida concert and maybe we’ll talk about even coming close to considering buying a ticket.