Scorpion: Drake Spends an Hour and a Half Trying to Convince Me He’s The Man and Fails

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A double disc album to follow up “God’s Plan” and “Nice for What”, (two of the hottest songs to sonically coat my ear canal), how could this possibly go wrong? Well, I don’t know exactly how, but it did. It did go wrong. I blame Pusha T for a lot of the issues I found in Scorpion, which you can read more about here. Overall I had the highest of expectations for the latest Drake project, they started from the top and now we’re here…at like a 6.7 out of 10.

As we all know the Pusha T/Drake beef was a massive deal. It left fans waiting for Drake to murder Pusha, address his son, and follow up hot singles with even more bangers on Scorpion….and Drake simply didn’t deliver. For the most part this album just irritated me. When the songs weren’t putting me to sleep Drake was saying things that just came off whiny. So much of the album is him playing the victim to Push and Kanye and claiming he’s taking the high road, but people are forgetting that Pusha legit had 2 little lines:

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Pretty simple, Drake’s been accused of using a ghost writer. The song wasn’t really a diss track at Drake it was just a cocky song in general to the haters. Then Drake gets all butt hurt and puts a song out like 11 hours later ripping on Push. Push comes back and destroys Drake by saying he has a kid, he’s not black enough, and his best friends going to die soon. Yes, it was harsh. Then Kanye comes out with his album and is like “yo! I like both of you guys! Stop fighting! Drake calm down!”. That probably should’ve been the end of it with the exception of a few quick shots/explanations from Drake on his album. But NOPE.

Drake decides to spend like 3 different tracks all trying to address the diss track and diss Kanye and diss Push and tell everyone he’s a good Dad and his life is so hard and his friends are mean to him blah blah blah. He so clearly threw together like 6 of these songs after the incident and it shows with poor lines and boring production. The original Scorpion, before the beef, I’m sure was a HEATER. Probably a 14 song album, couple great features, the hottest of beats. A “Summer Slapfest”, if you will. But then he gets all mad and sad and goes “screw it I’ve got so much to address now it’s a double disc”, and we got 25 songs. If I did a full review of each song this would be a novel, so, here’s my rapid fire response to each track.

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  1. “Survival” -Way to get me excited on the first track of the album Drake. A slow, boring trap beat, average lyrics, and a flow that could put people to sleep. Next one.
  2. “Nonstop”-If you thought that last beat was boring give this one a freaking listen. It’s legit just percussion. Picture Drake rapping to this in the studio and I guarantee you’ll laugh. It’s just so so so average and it sounds like something you’d expect from 21 Savage but at least then it’d be funny.
  3. “Elevate”-This sounds like the first two songs had a boring ugly baby. Also Drake decided it was time he sings a hook.
  4. “Emotionless”-Finally the production gets interesting, Drake’s got an actual flow…But I need to break down this verse really quick.Screen Shot 2018-07-02 at 8.43.35 PM.png

If this doesn’t piss you off you’re not actual listening to it. Drake, you’re a 30 year old man there’s no need to be blowing up college girls’ instagrams on your song, ok? Also, guys do this too. Everyone does this. It’s social media, it’s a highlight reel. No one wants to see me lying in bed with a double chin writing a blog post no one’s going to read. But yeah, when I take pictures in a foreign country I think, hey, maybe people would like to see this cool shit! My guy is talking about girls being fake on Instagram like it’s the fucking apocalypse and that’s why he kept his kid a secret? He HAD to hide that from his kid? DONT WORRY ADINON, ILL PROTECT YOU FROM INSTAGRAM MODELS LYING ABOUT WHERE THEY ARE. I WONT LET THESE FAKE BITCHES ANYWHERE NEAR MY PRECIOUS SON DO YOU HEAR ME WORLD! It’s so stupid. He’s not only pointing out something extremely obvious and apparent while acting like he’s some sort of philosopher, but he’s using it to try to defend himself in the weakest whiniest attempt ever. Moving on.

5. “God’s Plan” – The absolute gas. Still banger city. Maybe song of the year. You reeled me back in within seconds. Love you Drizzy.

6. “I’m Upset”

7. “8 Out of 10” -Dammit. “I’m Upset” put me to sleep and I’m too lazy to go back and review it. At least this song is one of the best on the album. He comes in with a few a capella bars addressing the beef and it leads in to a hot drop and some passion behind his flow. He makes some good points, he’s being cocky, and the production is perfect for him. This is one of my favorites on the album despite him still trying so hard to be the “good guy” when he’s the one who really made this beef a way bigger deal than it needed to be. Kanye didn’t “grip the mic and try to kill his friend”, he just told you to calm down. Should’ve taken his advice, but also, this song is dope. So whatever.

8. “Mob Ties” -Cool beat, cool flow, could’ve used a feature or 3 though. This is where you really start to notice that Drake’s basically done this album by himself and you get upset.

9. “Can’t Take a Joke” -Nothing new is said.

10. “Sandra’s Rose” -Again, braggadocios but one of my favorites on the album. Definitely the production I like to hear Drake rap over, some funny and personal lines. You can tell Drake was letting a little loose on this one. Probably a pre-Pusha song.

11. “Talk Up (feat. Jay-Z)” -So there’s features now? What’s the point of only having like 3 features? I feel like it should be an all or nothing deal like J. Cole. Don’t show us what it’s like when you get people on the track because then we just wish you got more. Jay-Z’s verse is cool. Drake’s is Drake’s.

12. “Is There More” -Really like the concept and message of this song, but it’s ruined by boring production. At least the album’s gotta be over soon right? WRONG. We’re not even half way.

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On to the B-Side. Emphasis on B. As in it’s not as good as the A.

  1. “Peak” -Oh no. Is this whole disc going to sound like this?
  2. “Summer Games” -Interesting! A cool synthy beat for Drake to try out. Kind of sounds 90’s-ish in a way. Drake isn’t doing a Weeknd impression. Talking about Summer. Hell yeah. Maybe this side will be ok after all.
  3. “Jaded” -Dammit. I spoke to soon. Wake me up in 4 minutes.
  4. “Nice for What” -HOWWW CAN I, EXPLAIN MYSELLLLLLFFF. FUCK YEAH! LET’S ABSOLUTELY GET OUR MF ROLL ON. LET THAT THING LOOSE GIRL. THESE HOES, YA BOY, SONG OF THE CENTURY. DRAKE IS THE GOAT.
  5. “Finesse” -I’m hungover from the ecstasy of Nice for What. This sucks.
  6. “Ratchet Happy Birthday” -The title was kind of funny I guess.
  7. “That’s How You Feel” -I genuinely listened to this song and moved on to the next without thinking to say anything about it. I typed “7” before “Blue Tint”. It legit blended in that hard.
  8. “Blue Tint” -Begging, absolutely, BEGGING for a feature. Future does the chorus kind of? But no feature??? Did he take him off? I don’t know. But like toss Thugger on this! Toss one of the Migos on this! I’d even take Lil Baby at this point! Someone! It’s a good song but could’ve been great. Missed potential.
  9. “In My Feelings” -This is classic Drake and I’m not mad about it. Drake always got clowned on for being emotional and singing about girls and stuff but this is peak drake rapping and then switching to a more sing-songy chorus. If only the last minute and a half wasn’t completely agonizingly unnecessary.
  10. “Don’t Matter to Me (feat. Michael Jackson)”. Drake got his hands on an unreleased Michael Jackson track and managed to make a dead guy seem ever more dead.
  11. “After Dark (feat. Static Major & Ty Dolla $ign) -Just so, so, so long. Almost 5 minutes? Really? Like yes on the Ty Dolla obviously and yes on the beat being a sexy early 2000’s homage but damn I want to hit skip 3 minutes in.
  12. “Final Fantasy” -Almost there guys. 1 more song. This is another 4 and a half minutes of stuff you’ve heard a billion times before from Drake.
  13. “March 14” -Hey a song talking to his kid! Cool! You get insights to Drake’s thoughts on his kid and baby mama and the whole situation which is super interesting. He says he gave his kid “like 20 gifts” for Christmas, which, for being the biggest rapper on the planet doesnt seem like much? Like I get at least 15 presents and I’m 22 years old. This is a baby. The dude gives a million dollars out to random people in Miami but can’t spend more than like a grand at Toys R Us? They’re going out of business all their shit is on sale anyways. Regardless, it’s an interesting close to the album and leaves you forgetting most of this side was stupid and redundant.

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What it comes down to is that Drake should’ve pulled a Kanye and made this only 7 songs. Here’s the tracklist I would’ve suggested.

  1. “8 out of 10” -Comes in hot, says what everyone wants to hear.
  2. “Nice for What”-Still flexing he has the best song of the year so far.
  3. “Sandra’s Rose” -Talking about his mom, good transition from NFW.
  4. “In My Feelings” -Emotional about women that could’ve been.
  5. “Summer Games” -Something new and fresh.
  6. “March 14” -Get to the emotional side of the kid. The anxiety of it.
  7. “God’s Plan”– No matter how I’m feeling, gotta trust it. This is the path he’s supposed to be on.

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Tell me that’s not gas. Yes, we lost a few good songs, but the impact of those 7 songs would be so sick and ALSO be kind of a shot at Pusha just by being like oh you did 7? Here’s mine, they’re better.

Overall I was very critical of this album because of my love for Kanye and my annoyance with how much Drake stans glorify him on social media. I’m biased for sure. And I actually liked several of these songs there’s just way too much and a lot of the actual meat and content of this album is either unnecessary, dull, or just plain annoying.

My suggestion? Pick out your favorite 7 or 8 songs and make your own Scorpion Playlist, because this album will literally never be listened to all the way through by me ever again.

P.S. Real sneaky breaking the Streaming record with your album drop. When you’ve got 25 songs on the album and everyone in the world is gonna listen once you’re guaranteeing a lot of plays.

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Don’t think everyone didn’t notice what you were doing.

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