eSports Are Officially “Real Sports” Now That Parents Don’t Think Their Kids Are Good Enough At It

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Parents are taking their children to “Fortnite” coaches to improve their chances of securing a Battle Royale win, the Wall Street Journal reports. Parents are paying up to $20 per hour to help their kids improve their skills in “Fortnite”, Epic Games’ phenomenally successful free-to-play Battle Royale game.

According to those parents, some children are feeling pressure not just to play with their friends, but also succeed.

“There’s pressure not to just play it but to be really good at it,” said Ally Hicks, who bought four hours of lessons for her 10-year-old son. “You can imagine what that was like for him at school.

Nick Mennen, who’s been paying coaches to tutor his son, Noble, said the 12-year-old’s gone from struggling in the game to “throw[ing] down 10 to 20 wins”.

via variety

“I’m paying for lessons so THEY can feel good.”

I’m calling BS.

It’s a tale as old as time. A parent wants to live vicariously through their child. It’s 2018 and the tables have turned. Gamers’ parents wanted them to go outside and play sports and now their kids want to go outside and play sports but they want them to stay inside and play video games.

Life has a funny way of coming full circle.

But this makes it an official sport now. Kids are getting scholarships and parents want their kids to get the glory and the money of these scholarships so they can brag to their friends about how great their child is. It’s something that only happens in real sports.

I’m just waiting on the first Disney Channel Original movie that capitalizes on this being an actual sport now. In Ice Princess the girl wants to pursue science, not figure skating. In High School Musical, Troy Bolton wants to pursue theater, not basketball. And in the most absurd “Disney VP of Programming went on a 4-day coke bender and forgot he had to pitch a movie” idea ever, in Jump In!, Corbin Bleu wants to jump rope instead of box? If that’s an idea that got made into a movie I can guarantee an eSports one is already in development and I CAN NOT WAIT for it.

In fact, I can’t wait so much that I took matters into my own hands and wrote the movie myself. Here’s a scene from my new screenplay “Fort or Sport?”.



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Let’s start the bidding at 10 Million for the rights.

And if Disney passes on that I’ll just go to Netflix where it’s guaranteed to get made because, well, it’s Netflix.

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