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Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson are both suited up on the set of Sony’s Men in Black spinoff. The still-untitled film reunites the Thor: Ragnarok co-stars as they become MIB secret agents based in London, Agent H and Agent M. Emma Thompson will reprise her role as Agent O, while Liam Neeson takes on the role of head of the UK branch of the organization. The film will also star Rebecca Ferguson, Kumail Nanjiani, and Rafe Spall. via Screenrant
Am I excited about a Men In Black Spinoff featuring Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson (who both KILLED IT in Thor: Ragnarok), Kumail Nanjiani (one of my favorite comedians right now) and Liam Neeson??? Of course I am. But would I be more excited if it was the MIB 21 Jump Street Crossover movie we were promised a few years ago? OF COURSE I WOULD.
When I heard the news that there was a Men in Black/21 Jump Street crossover movie I was absolutely HYPE. 22 Jump Street was one of the best sequels to a comedy I’ve ever seen. Not only did it follow up one of the top 5 comedies of the past like ten years with an equally funny movie, but they also parodied all sequel movies ever. With a hilarious bit at the end of the movie they showed what all of their sequels could be (basically ruling out any chance of a direct sequel), but what I wasn’t expecting was a cross-over. The cross over would’ve easily been the great action from the first two movies but now with the twist of the aliens along with all of the crossover clichés they would parody: would’ve been money. Apparently though…too much money. I guess the project itself was deemed too expensive, but they are still moving forward with an MiB4 NOT including Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.
The cast is great, the director is great (he also did Straight Outta Compton and Fate of the Furious), but it just seems like it’s going to your run of the mill reboot. They’re just a team fighting aliens on earth again. I love hearing about a crazy ambitious project that actually sounds good, which is why I loved the crossover idea. So how should we really reboot this franchise? Here’s my pitch.
The year is 2045. We are inside of a massive church and see a casket along with the portrait of Agent J (Will Smith with like gray hair and stuff). The Men In Black theme song is being played on an organ somberly. There are a ton of agents dressed in black coming to mourn the death of their friend. Even the talking pug is sitting in the pew in the back bawling his little puppy eyes out.
A women gets up and calls herself his widow. “What? How did that happen? Doesn’t it breaks the MiB code?” Well, Agent J fell in love and had an unexpected child with a woman, leading to his honorable discharge from the organization. Although he was let go, he was allowed to become an FBI agent because of his work with the Men in Black. That unexpected child grew up to become a successful “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” son of Agent J. A Navy Seal with the highest honors: played by none other than Donald Glover himself.
His other son is also at the funeral, but he followed a much different path than Glover. He’s a famous video game streamer, a little bit of a wise-ass and clumsy. Who will play this guy? Long time friend of Glover, Chance the Rapper.
After the funeral they are approached by Men In Black operatives who have important news to tell them. They are taken to the MiB headquarters and told all about their father’s past at the organization (as he could never tell his own kids). Why are they being told all of this now? Because the MiB need them for a special mission only they can carry out. A mission where the aliens aren’t invading them, they’re invading the aliens.
They are being sent to an intergalactic hub where aliens of all different planets and galaxies go to vacation, shop, party and discuss matters of universal politics. This council is top secret and hasn’t had to convene since the times of Agent J’s career. Back when the council was originally established, every being that was a part of it had to agree to a DNA oath, and when it was called again they’d all have to go back to this intergalactic meeting place and follow instructions that could only be opened once on the planet and only be unlocked by the same DNA. Gambino and Chance now have to travel to this planet (with an alien ally possibly played by Danny Pudi aka Abed from Community because he and Glover have great chemistry already).
They’ve both got to go because it’s a dangerous mission…and if one dies they need another DNA donor just in case. They’ve got to follow the instructions to see why the council has been called together, and then do what it takes to prevent whatever impending disaster is happening.
What follows is a movie of great alien action sequences like Star Wars, great humor like 21 Jump Street, plenty of twists and turns on who on the council has turned evil and under it all a tale of brotherhood and friendship. It’s too good not to make. Studios, please give me millions of dollars and I can executive produce this bad boy whenever you give me the green light.
This movie has got to be directed by the team behind Jump Street, Phil Lord and Chris Miller.
These two worked with Glover before on Solo: A Star Wars Story before being fired over creative differences (the movie was TOO funny. That was legit why they were fired. I mean, come on). Chance and Gambino are boys and with Chance starring in the upcoming Slice he’ll be no stranger to acting in an over-the top comedy.
Not to mention Donald Glover is legit the most praised artist in Hollywood right now. Killing the Lando role in Solo: A Star Wars Story, Atlanta popping off, his music career peaking, and him starring in the upcoming Lion King reboot as Simba??? This movie would be given a massive budget with that kind of star power, the script writes itself, it’s fun and it’s different.
Best of all, maybe we could get Gambino and Chance on a sick theme song for the movie. Wouldn’t even hate it if Big Willie dropped a verse on there because the original theme is a BANGER.
If you’ve got anything to add to the pitch lemme know and maybe I’ll give you a line in the end credits when this baby makes it to the silver screen.
All rights to untitled MiB4 are owned by D. Jay Chickenparm IIV. Any adaptation even containing even a sliver of this elevator pitch will result in a federal law suit. You’ve been warned.
djchickenparm.com 