Posted by WARNING: NSFW (Obviously)
A few weeks back we were all expecting to have a shiny brand new Kanye West album sitting pretty in our music libraries ready to be consumed for the next few months, but because Kanye is Kanye, we have yet to see the album and there’s really not definitive release date. But although we don’t have his album yet, some people have heard it, and there is something that sets this album apart from his others.
There’s a lot of interesting information to emerge from the conversation, like the fact that Kanye supposedly doesn’t swear anymore, which some might find surprising considering how explicit he has been in his music throughout his career… now Kanye doesn’t even like it when others swear around him, saying, “If somebody cusses in his presence, I’ve heard him say a couple of times, ‘Hey, man, you can’t cuss when you’re with me. I’m a born-again Christian.’ via Uproxx
There are absolutely no swears on his new album…. AND he isn’t swearing in old songs anymore…to which I say…
WHAT THE HELL MAN? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? YOUR SONGS WOULD BE COMPLETELY ASS IF YOU DIDN’T SWEAR. STOP BEING A BITCH AND DROP SOME F BOMBS BABY!
This is blasphemy coming from a man who calls himself a “born again Christian”. You’re really going to turn your back on your followers like this? You’re telling me if I go to a Kanye concert and he performs Runaway he’s not going to say “let’s have a toast for the assholes”? He’s gonna pull some Kids Bop bullshit and say “let’s have a toast for the Peoples!” or something? PLEASE GOD NO.
The majority of Kanye’s most infamous lyrics also happen to be some of his cuss-iest. And if he’s really done swearing, I’d like to use this blog as an in memoriam for some of his lyrics that Jesus would most certainly disapprove of.
“Bound 2”
I wanna fuck you hard on the sink
After that, give you somethin’ to drink
Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink
BARS. If you were wondering how Kanye acquired an honorary doctorate degree from the Art Institute of Chicago, it was for that “after that I give you something to drink” line.
Their poor kids. One of these Christmas’s coming up North is gonna get an iPad and google mommy and daddies name and just have her eyeballs burnt to a crisp. One google image search of Kim Kardashian and that’s gonna be years of therapy for Nori. Do them a favor and parental-lock all technology till they’re in college at least.
“Celebration”
See you know my style, I’m very wild
And I vow that my child will be well endowed
Like his daddy
And tell him that your mama had a fatty
He looked up at me
Said, “Daddy, that’s the reason why you had me?”
Yep, we was practicing
‘Til one day your ass bust through the packaging
You know what though? You my favorite accident
So go head pop some Cristal for my newborn child
Telling his child that the only reason he exists is because his mom had a wagon and the condom broke, but on the bright side he’s probably going to inherent an absolute meat hammer! These lyrics are so hilariously Kanye it hurts.
“Make Her Say”
Hold up, (yeah?) born in ’88 (Word?)
How old is that? (Man!) Old enough
I got seniority with the sororities
So, that explain why I love college
Getting brain in the library cause I love knowledge
When you use your medulla oblongata
And give me scoliosis until I comatoses
And do while I’m sleep, yeah a little osmosis
And that’s my commandment you ain’t gotta ask Moses
A 32 year old man saying he loves getting head from sorority girls in the school library. Also, she doesn’t have to ask this guy from the Bible if she should, Kanye already commanded it! (If this came out this year my mans would be BIG TIME CANCELLED).
“Freestyle 4”
What if we fucked at this Vogue party?
Would we be the life of the whole party?
Shut down the whole party
Would everybody start fuckin’?
Would everybody start fuckin’?
Would everybody start fuckin’?
They don’t want nothin’
You mothafuckas livin’ like half of your level, half of your life
I smack her on her ass if she ghetto, I ain’t gon’ lie
We be in the bathroom fuckin’ like “baby, don’t get too loud!”
This one isn’t getting Kids Bopped. This is a lost cause. He says the F-word 6 times and that section is maybe 10 seconds of the whole song. This is “14 year old with an iPod touch and an incognito browser tab open” levels of horniness. Just gross.
“Hell of a Life”
I think I just fell in love with a porn star
Turn the camera on, she a born star
Turn the corners in a foreign car
Call the coroners, do the CPR
She gave that old nigga a ulcer
Her bittersweet taste made his gold teeth ache, uh
Make her knees shake, make a priest faint, uh
Make a nun cum, make her cremate, uh
…I think this one speaks for itself.
“N****s in Paris”
She said, “‘Ye, can we get married at the mall?”
I said, “Look, you need to crawl ‘fore you ball
Come and meet me in the bathroom stall
And show me why you deserve to have it all”…
Bougie girl, grab my hand
Fuck that bitch; she don’t wanna dance
Excuse my French, but I’m in France, ahah, I’m just sayin’
This was such a lawless era of music. Kanye literally says he’s gotta get a lil’ bathroom reacharound before he can marry a girl and it becomes one of the biggest songs in America. What a time.
“I Thought About Killing You”
I love myself way more than I love you
And I think about killing myself
So, best believe, I thought about killing you today
Premeditated murder
I mean, “thou shall not kill” is straight up one of the ten commandments so this one’s definitely off the table for future performances.
“Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1”
Now if I fuck this model
And she just bleached her asshole
And I get bleach on my t-shirt
Imma feel like an asshole
How do you even come up with this. Like must’ve happened to Kanye right? That’s the only way someone could come up with this ridiculous of lyrics. And to put it in a song that samples a gospel song…lord help him.
“White Dress”
“Rented the whole bottom floor for a candelight dinner”
Oh ok, that’s actually kind of sweet.
“Turned the lights off and put my candle right in her”
COME ON MAN. CALLING YOUR PENIS A CANDLE? SERIOUSLY?
“I’m In It”
Chasin’ love, all the bittersweet hours lost
Eatin’ Asian pussy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce
Tell your boss you need an extra hour off
Get you super wet after we turn the shower off…
Uh, black girl sippin’ white wine
Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign
And grabbed it with a slight grind
And held it ’til the right time
Then she came like AAAAAHHH!
Ok I think we can all agree we’re ok with this one getting cleaned up. That’s just…that’s just not right.
“I Love It”
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I’m a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck
I like my dick sucked, I’ll buy you a sick truck
I’ll buy you some new tits, I’ll get you that nip-tuck
How you start a family? The condom slipped up
I’m a sick fuck, I’m inappropriate
I like hearin’ stories, I like that ho shit
I wanna hear mo’ shit, I like the ho shit
Send me some mo’ shit, you triflin’ ho bitch (Bitch, bitch, bitch)
Yup. A song so dirty they were invited to perform it on the PornHub awards (no, that link will not take you to Porn Hub, get your mind out of the gutter).
One of Kanye’s most sexually explicit songs of his career…and when was it released? JUST UNDER A YEAR AGO. I mean, in September 2018 he made a song where he repeatedly calls himself a “sick fuck who likes a quick fuck” but 4 months later is starting a church? The versatility of this man knows no bounds.
There are hundreds of more hilariously awful Kanye lyrics but these were just the first few to come to mind. If I missed some let me know, but maybe star out the words. Or just send them privately. Or ya know what, don’t send them at all. Kids have such easy access to the internet nowadays I don’t want them reading any of this and running to their mom to ask their dad what a “trifling hoe bitch” is. We can at least save them from that.
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