Not only did we find out Drake has a child this year, it also turns out he’s dating one. Drizzy was spotted having a private dinner with 18 year old model Bella Harris this weekend and a lot of people are pissed about it. I, however, want it to continue. Literally forever. Because if he’s dating this teenager he won’t be able to date another one: Millie Bobby Brown.
Millie B. is a national treasure. She stole our hearts playing Eleven on Stranger Things, but then we find out she’s also just cool as hell. She can rap Nicki’s verse on “Monster”, she can do the Cardi B “Okkurrrr” to perfection, and she’s been charismatic as hell on basically every talk show imaginable.
She began dating professional pretty boy Jacob Sartorious and I hated it. This kid is a d-bag with no talent, he didn’t deserve Millie. She should’ve dated one of the other Stranger Things kids or something not this clown.
Then they broke up. “Hooray!” Is what most of America said. “You up?” Is what Drake said.
I know what you’re thinking. “Look, it’s not great that he’s dating a girl almost half his age and he’s 31, but it’s not illegal“. And you’re correct. She’s 18, in 2018. So that means when this photo was taken with Drake,
And when this photo was taken with Drake…
two years ago…
SHE WAS SIXTEEN. GUESS IT REALLY WAS THE SUMMER OF 16 (YEAR OLDS), HUH DRIZZY? No no no no no no no. Finding out this news was just gross. I just imagine Drake waking up every morning for 2 years straight, walking over to a massive calendar where he just keeps on crossing off the dates until he gets to Bella’s 18th birthday. The dude planted the seeds a long time ago and now that he can’t get arrested for it he’s harvesting the crops. Lil Wayne goes to jail for having guns, Meek Mill goes to jail for drug possession, Rick Ross was charged for freaking kidnapping, and Drake’s gonna get locked up for STATUTORY RAPE. You definitely gain street cred as a rapper for going behind bars but not like this.
This also led me to have a panic-induced google search on Millie Bobby Brown’s age, and UH OH!
She’s only two years out from Drake’s most recent fling. We all thought it was cute and cool that Drake and Millie were “friends”. I assumed they just met at an award show or something and talked for a little bit. That’s what a famous 14 year old and a famous 31 year old’s “friendship” should be. I didn’t think much of it despite it being a good thing for both of their careers. Made Millie look even cooler, made Drake look more relatable for liking Stranger Things. This summer he sent Millie a Scorpion Jacket that he gave all his celeb buddies, again reinforcing my idea that this “friendship” was nothing more than a brand deal between the two.
Annnnnd that’s when I read this.