Handsome Guys with Thick Beards are Officially Banned from No Shave November

I’m sure everyone has heard of No Shave November, but I feel like not everyone actually knows what the true purpose is. This info from no-shave.org might enlighten you.

That’s right, it’s not just an excuse for guys to have fun growing facial hair. I think the most important line in this is the “evoke conversation and raise cancer awareness”. I respect people who skip shaving for the month for this purpose, but you know who I don’t respect? HANDSOME GUYS USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO GROW A THICK RUGGED SEXY BEARD.

You know what women say when they see this picture? It’s not “why is Jon Krasinski growing a beard? I have to ask him!” it’s “Oh DAMN! Jim from the Office looks hot with a beard!”.

And that’s the problem. If it’s supposed to evoke conversation and raise awareness for cancer the beard can’t be thicc. Nobody needs to ask the guy why he grew the beard, they know they did it because it makes them more attractive. I mean, look at Drake for example.

Look at this little dweeb. He’s got the Alfalfa ears going, that goofy smile, the factory standard haircut. Looks like he’d be an altar server at your local church. Looks like the kind of guy you’d want your daughter to take to Prom. But then my guy discovered the power of the beard…

Dear god. Did muscles and style just come with this beard? With a face-sweater like that forget about letting him take your daughter to Prom…and you better be keeping your wife on a tight leash too.

See, nobody asks “Drake, why’d you grow the beard?” because they know the answer is obvious. He’s way more handsome with it. No Shave November needs to be reserved strictly for Michael Cera-lookin’ guys like me.

Seriously though, look at my 13-day attempt from last year.

The resemblance is uncanny.

You know what I got asked a lot though in those 13 days?

“Are you growing a mustache for No Shave for November?”

And I always said yes. Because if you think I’d grow this thing for good looks you’d think I was blind or insane, and I’m only one of those things.

Besides evoking conversation, you can also grow out your beard and donate the money you would’ve spent on the razors to charity.

I shave my patchy cat-whiskered face like once a week, I don’t need more than this.

And I physically can’t even donate this amount.

So that only leaves me one option (and no, I CAN’T just donate more than $2.99, that’s against the rules). I need to bring attention to the cause, and for that reason, I will be participating again in No Shave November for as long as I can. I’ll do an update blog when I shave but you can bet it will be so gross the only explanation for it will be that it was to raise awareness for some horrible disease.