WARNING, This Post Contains Graphic Ugliness: No Shave November Did Not Go Well

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Earlier in the month I mentioned how I was going to do No Shave November because men who can’t grow beards are the ones that should be doing it. I also promised an update blog when I shaved. Well, I shaved almost a week ago but that’s how long it has taken me to work up the courage to share these horrible cursed photos of myself.


Alright, this is November 11th. This is what my actual face looked like,

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Oh god. “Why is your hair so bad too? Why are your eyes all messed up?” because I was embarrassed about my patchy face whiskers so I hid inside all weekend drinking whiskey and not showering THAT’S WHY. And if you’re thinking “why did you shave it into a goatee?”, I didn’t. For some reason my hormones decided it would be fun if I could grow hair in the place 50 year old mechanics want it, but the sides is where they’d let it grow in like the weeds in the rough on a crappy par 3 golf course in Cape Cod.

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COME ON. I look like a 14 year old who ate his dad’s Rogaine and now inexplicably has hair popping up around his body. It legit looks dirty. You’d think if I hopped in the shower you could wipe this off with a face cloth and some Dial soap. The saddest part too, these are GOOD angles. You want to see the bad one?

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NOT THE NECK BEARD. Nothing is grosser than a neck beard. I don’t care what job you went to college for, I don’t car if you have a doctorate in Psychology, I don’t care if your Dad is the Senior Vice President of HR for Amazon, if you have a neck beard the only job you will get is at Game Stop. The grease dripping from these follicles literally shines in the light.  So what do I do? I try to trim things up. I got a beard trimmer last year for Christmas because my parents ordered one on Amazon for my uncle and they accidentally got two.

Screen Shot 2018-11-16 at 8.52.04 AM.pngSo I fired it up for literally the first time and decided to do some manscaping…and it ended poorly.

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Why do I look like Brendan Dassey. Even if that guy wasn’t a WrestleMania-loving accomplice to murder, still not a great look.

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Well, you happy No Shave November??? This is what you wanted right? If this isn’t raising awareness I don’t know what is. Please donate in my name to make me feel better. Thank you.

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