The First Trailer For ‘Toy Story 4’ Is Here Aaaaaaand I’m Out

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If you thought this was a good idea when it was announced….who are you? I really want to know who was asking for this. Toy Story 3 was absolutely perfect. The plot was unique, there were some twists and turns, and it closed out the franchise in a perfect way. If you didn’t shed a tear at the end, you’re a sociopath. There we go, call it a day right Disney?

NOPE!

Disney can’t just let a franchise die. They gotta milk that cow until it’s all out of dairy to give and then they just squeeze it’s blood and guts out of it until that thing is left dead in the pasture for small children to walk by and be horrified at.

They take their most popular franchises and expand them until they explode into an oblivion of boringness (if you saw Solo: A Star Wars Story, I didn’t have to tell you that). I just don’t get how they made 3 Cars movies before they made The Incredibles 2. I watched it last weekend and it was so sick. Make a trilogy out of those movies. Actually, go ahead and make 5 of those movies.  They’re a superhero family, you can make a billion movies off that premise alone. But Toys coming to life? Once a toy comes to life once it’s not super interesting to see it happen again…and again…and again…

I mean look at the plot summary of this new movie.

Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that’s Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called “Forky” to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.

Oh, well at least they’re introducing a new character! That could be cool! Let’s take a look at this “Forky” character.

Screen Shot 2018-11-12 at 1.21.36 PM.png

….nope.

How poor is this new girl Andy gave the toys too? She’s still playing with physical toys? It’s 2018 not the Great Depression, if this new chick needed to be entertained she wouldn’t make a toy out of trash she would steal her mom’s iPad and watch poorly made children’s songs on Youtube.

That’s the biggest point into explaining why this movie has no need to be made. Kids don’t play with toys anymore. They’re on Tik Tok lip synching songs from Moana not playing with a potato with eye balls.

This movie was written and directed by old people who still think toys like Raggety Ann are popping off and don’t know that apps exist. I mean, look what this geezer Tom Hanks said about recording the end of this movie.

“The way you record ‘Toy Story,’ you’re in a room with the team that has created it. When I went in for my last day of recording, I wanted to have my back to them, because usually you’re facing them so you can look right up and you can talk about it. But I didn’t want to see them and I wanted to pretend they couldn’t see me,” the two-time Oscar winner explained. “When I realized what they were going for, I realized, ‘Oh, this is a moment in history.'”

A “moment in history”? There’s only 2 explanations for this statement. 1.) Tom Hanks is emotionally connected to the character of Woody after voicing him for 3 movies and is sad to see him go…for the second time. OR 2.) He said this to hype up Toy Story 4 because he’s realizing nobody cares about it at all.

I’m thinking it’ll be the latter.

Will it be bad? Probably not. Pixar rarely messes up. I think the only L’s they’ve taken since they’ve started have been that movie about the Scottish girl who likes archery and that one about that caveman boy who rides dinosaurs. But will this be great? Probably not.

Call me when they make a Toy Story sequel where Woody has to lead a full on war against an army of iPhones. Besides that, I’m content with my goodbye from the end of Toy Story 3.

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