Posted by As the earth spins its course around the sun, naturally, more light, more warmth, and more happiness begins to enter the every day routine of Americans. No longer do they wake up dreading the cold day before them, applying layer after layer, as they brace for the frigid impalement of below-freezing temperatures once they leave the comfort of their homes. No, this is a time of rebirth. To take back what was robbed from us during the heat hiatus. After a long 6 months of hibernation, the bears leave their cave of refuge and wander to the nearest river in hopes of catching the school of Salmon migrating upstream. And just as the bears clamor for nutrients after their extended slumber, our livers beg to be drowned in even more poisonous liquids for the sole reason that “it’s nice out”.
That’s right folks it’s darty season, or rather, as local meteorologist Brittney from Delta Summa Nu declared on instagram, it’s darty “szn”. Now if you’re lame and old (unlike me, I’m 23, that’s still young. I’m not having a quarter life crisis writing about darties even though 5 days out of the week they’re impossible for me to partake in), you might not know that a “darty” is a party…during the day.
The same people who call bagels “bah-gulls” and crayons “cranes”, will tell you it’s not called a “darty”, it’s a “dayger” (a combination of “day” and “rager”), and these people can suck eggs. It’s called a darty. If you want to be a real nerd about it you can call it a “day party”, but where’s the fun in that?
Darties are a beautiful thing. There’s a sense of rebellion to it. Not only is it a great excuse for a grown ass man like me to drink a sweet delicious Twisted Tea without judgement, but as I sip that Twea I also feel like I’m giving a big ol’ middle finger to the sun.
You don’t own me any more you gaseous asshole! I can drink whenever I damn please! No longer does your light deter me from slamming a Four Loko before I’ve even had lunch!
In a lot of ways darties are like the McRib, they’re here for a limited time only and there’s a high chance you’ll want to throw up after indulging in one. BUT that being said (just like driving by a McDonalds and seeing a poster for the McRib), when an opportunity presents itself to darty you can’t miss it. If the sun is shining, the liquor store is open, and you’ve got a speaker and an aux cord, you are legally required to capitalize on that moment.
Just like regular parties (or as the “dayger” people would call it, “narties”), the music at a darty is make or break. Nothing is worse than throwing on a Hawaiian shirt, packing up some beers, getting outside on a beautiful day, only to hear Brayden bumping Juice Wrld songs because Jessica only agreed to go to Commencement with him “as friends”.
The most important rule of darties: sad/negative trap music is a no-go.
Look, if I’m in a dark nasty club, drunk off rebull vodkas, surrounded by a bunch of sweaty 30 year old men who are there trying to pick up hammered college girls who got in with their fake IDs, sure, play some Future. Give me the trap house vibes. I want to feel like the cops are about to break in here and shut everything down because I want to go home. But at a darty? It’s gorgeous out. We’re in a setting for a damn LL Bean commercial I don’t want to hear Lil Uzi Vert mourning the death of all of his friends when I’m just trying to sip a Strawber-Rita and find a good place to set up Kan Jam.
That being said, what are the must-play songs at a darty? Here’s a few to get you going in the direction.
“Slide” -Calvin Harris (feat. Frank Ocean & Migos)
After that whole “don’t play negative/sad music” thing you probably didn’t expect me to put Migos and Frank Ocean on here…but this is the greatest song of all time. So of course it works here. Calvin Harris’ entire Funk Wav. Bounces Vol. 1 is perfect for darty music. It has the grooviness, the tropical aesthetic, the positive energy, it’s an album tailored for outside drinking and so is this song. Kick the function off with this and you’ll automatically set the right tone for your day.
“No Problem” -Chance the Rapper (feat. 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne)
This is the type of rap music we want a darty. A fun beat, some big name artists spitting braggadocios bars you don’t have to think about, and a repetitive chorus everyone knows. A banger.
“Good Life” -Kanye West (feat. T-Pain)
One of the best feel-good rap songs of our time. This is peak fun-Kanye and it shows with some incredible lines about going on a “living spree”, “summertime Chi”, “snakes on a plane”, and having more “ass than the models”. It’s impossible not to want to make a messy mimosa and have a day when T-Pain and Ye play are coming through the speakers on a sunny day.
“Doses and Mimosas” -Cherub
10 in the morning, and I’m skipping breakfast…and sipping a beverage –Put that line in the Darty Hall of Fame. I thank God every day that I was born in a time where I could enjoy this song from my senior year of high school well throughout my college career. This duo might be a one-hit wonder, but that doesn’t make this song any less important. I’d be willing to go on the record and say this is maybe the most underrated song of the last 10 years. Literally everyone likes this song but it’s somehow forgotten about. Give this song the love it deserves and play it at during a day drink this summer. And if you skip the last minute where they are just going wild on the mixing of the song, you can go straight to hell. That part rules.
“Tongue Tied” -Grouplove
This song is what I imagine an Ecstasy pill would song like if it was compressed into a 3 minute and 35 second long MP3 file. I mean, come on. This is song is just a disease of fun. It’s infectious. You just wanna jump around and shout the words at the top of your lungs like a crazy person. A true masterpiece from Grouplove.
“Semi-Charmed Life” -Third Eye Blind
Third Eye Blind could have been a band genetically crafted by scientists to create the best darty music ever. It’s basically a collective of douche bags singing catchy choruses about doing a ton of drugs behind fun summery guitar riffs: and it’s timeless. If you’re at a darty for more than an hour and this song isn’t played, check the DJ’s pulse. This is almost a guaranteed lock any time alcohol is consumed in broad daylight.
“All Star” -Smash Mouth
A great follow up to Semi-Charmed Life once the late 90s early 2000s summer rock kicks into full gear. This is another group that I can’t imagine releasing a song in the winter time. They even say my world’s on fire, how bout yours? That’s the way I like it and I never get bored. That’s a statement only a dedicated darty group would say.
I always think it’s good to throw in a few oldies as well to this mix. Songs like “American Girl” and “Brown Eyed Girl“…basically any song made before 1985 with “girl” in the title should do it. And if those fail, there’s always “Summer of 69” to get people feeling…nice.
Lastly, a great idea for a darty is to look at Soundcloud. A lot of times you can find some great summery remixes to already great songs. My go-to darty song for a long time was the tropical house remix to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.
https://soundcloud.com/tropical-house-heaven/fresh-prince-of-bel-air-le-boeuf-remix
A crowd-pleaser. And there’s plenty more like it. If you really wanted to take the reigns off though, you’d definitely be fine putting on a Big Bootie Mix and enjoying the day without having to worry about manning the aux.
Those tracks should be plenty to get you and your friends to start fighting that hangover with a little hair of the dog and begin your day of dartying.
If I missed something, hit me up on Instagram or Twitter or in the comments. I want to make the Ultimate Darty Playlist and if you have a good suggestion I’ll toss it on there. You can check out the playlist below, add it to your library if you have Apple Music, and enjoy it as it grows.
https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/tis-the-tweason/pl.u-LdbqE1vtxED9Vq
djchickenparm.com 